Waiting...

I had a really good week last week with SG. We had good conversations, he told me how beautiful I was and even how much he missed me. It was almost like he was "Normal" again. Things were good.

I blurted out the L word on his voice mail the other day. He hadn't said anything about it until a couple of days ago. It didn't worry me much, since things were better, and I know he is crazy about me. For the first time in a long time I don't need to hear it. I think either I am evolving or he let's me know how much he cares in other ways and that's ok now.

I don't really feel like I am in limbo anymore. It's more just a feeling of waiting. There are still days when I question if I should be waiting, and then I breathe, remember that we are still getting to know one another and this is really a good thing, and remember that I am one day closer to being with the man I adore.

I figure if we can make it through all of this, then we are destined to be together. Life is still good.

Just Breathe

I have this friend, who amazes me on a daily basis. I think the world of her. Why? Because she always knows what to say at all the right times, and never sugar coats it. If I am being a dumb ass, she tells me. She knows I am most likely not going to listen, but that's ok because she will be there to pick up the pieces when I fall apart.

When this weekend started I was really poopy. It would have been really easy to get down and feel lonely and eat pints of ice cream and sleep all day. However, on my way home from work I heard a song that reminded me that no matter what happens everything would be ok. "Breathe" by Anna Nalick was my soundtrack this weekend. I listened to it over and over and over and over on Friday night.

Then it hit me Friday night on the 40th play... why not do something different? Why not work out every time I feel lonely, or sad. Why not do something that feels better, inside and out? Well here it is, day three of this new attitude and I feel pretty good. I have lost 4 pounds, I have more energy, and eventually I will look better. Why didn't I do this sooner? Every time I feel like I can't do one more sit up... I hear my friend saying "just breathe" and I can always do one more.

SG even called me three times today. We talked and talked, and laughed... I mean I really laughed. I felt like it was a wonderful conversation, and I was reminded again why I have fallen for him. I told him about my plan to lose weight, and he was supportive without making me feel like if I didn't lose weight he wouldn't like me as much. He sure has moments of greatness. I'm happy just taking one day at a time learning everything there is to know about him.

Tonight, life is good...

Reflections

As I look back over the last six weeks I smile a lot.

6 weeks ago I was just recently out of a really bad relationship that ended even worse. I was feeling pretty crappy about myself and the world in general. I had been out on a couple of dates that were nice, but they didn't have the qualities I was looking for in a partner.

When SG came along I found someone who had all those qualities. He's handsome of course, but it's so much more than that. The compassion this man has for children, and animals is amazing. He would make a great role model for my kids, and any future children. That's an important trait in a man, compassion. I think women overlook that when they seek out a partner. They want cute and funny. SG is definitely funny in a silly way (which I adore), but it's so much more than that. He knows how to make me laugh, even when I want to cry. He knows how to make other people laugh all the time, and that's another good quality. I think the thing that draws me to him the most is the fact that he takes his job seriously and is a hard worker. It shows me that no matter what job he was doing he would do his best, and he would be able to take care of his family. He's a good boy with a wild side. I like that... a nice happy balance.

Right now I have to hang on to that. I have to remember what the last 6 weeks have been like for us. I have to remember that we are really good for one another. I have to remember that all things are possible, and I am on God's time table. Would I like everything to be working on our happily ever after now? Of course I would, but I think taking this one day at a time is better for both of us right now. Nothing good comes easy... this is going to take some work to get to the point where we can be together, but as a team we can do that! I believe in SG.

As Insanity Creeps in...

A Three day weekend with NOTHING to do. I made sure I was free all weekend to spend time with SG. Then when he said he wasn't coming it was too late to plan anything. All of my friends are coupled up, and doing couples things, and the other friends are out of town. This sucks! I'm sure he's having a grand time barbecuing for the neighbors or riding his little ass off. He's obviously too busy to call me since he hasn't called all day. I broke down and called him but he didn't answer, and he hasn't called back. I knew he had to chill out around the ex but I feel like he's over me and that breaks my heart.

I worked out this morning for the first time in a long time. I really overdid it. I'll probably do it again tonight, and I have hardly eaten in the past week. Yesterday my diet consisted of half a coffee, and a banana. Today I have had a slice of vegetable Pizza, a rice cake, and some water.

He claims he is going to come see me in 6 weeks. If he does I want to have lost a ton of weight. I am tired of being overweight. I feel like that's the reason I still don't have my happy ending. I am not getting any younger and I am certainly not getting any prettier. SG has even stopped calling me beautiful.

I haven't been this damn depressed since I moved here... I just sometimes wonder if I will ever be happy.