...To Crawl Under.
My self doubt, my relationship sabotage and my defenses have me feeling like I need to find a rock to crawl under and hide. I don't have any idea what I am doing anymore. I want to see SG I really really do. I want all those things I said in the last two entries. However, I also feel like it's going to ruin everything. *I* am going to ruin everything. I always do.
I am literally flipping out. I want everything to be as perfect as it has been but I have this horrible feeling that I have made a huge mistake. I should have stayed away from him. Now his entire life is turned upside down. He's got all kinds of things to deal with and everyone knows I am not the easiest woman to date. (Wait, are we dating? I guess we haven't had a date so I guess we aren't dating. Geez I don't even know what we are. I am a mess.) I have no patience. I am spoiled. I am picky.
I feel like I am just writing words on a page today, they aren't helping me like they used to. I am not feeling better as I spill all of my thoughts forth. I feel worse. I feel like I am going to throw up. I want to go back to bed and wake up in about 4 days. I don't want to go to work and sit there all day freaking out about SG.
It's gone too far. I have fallen for him. There is no turning back. I have to take the chance that he will fall for me in spite of myself... otherwise I will never know.
I should have been a nun.
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1 comment:
Take a deep breath, it's going to be fine. Steady now, and relax.
I should call and play you some of my meditation music. I actually voiced over some meditation music when I was trying self-hypnosis. I should send you the CD. It's very soothing. :D
Baby steps. You can do it. Put all that other junk out of your mind.
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