Dreams...

For the last three nights I have had nightmares. The kind of nightmares where you wake up in the middle of the night scared and in tears. I'm not sure why. They all have a common theme of being kidnapped, or taken hostage. Maybe the fear of losing my heart to SG has got me sleeping less than soundly. I don't understand why. I don't think I have ever been happier in my entire life. Maybe it's my inner Devil's advocate. I wish it would go away. I have more baggage under my eyes right now than an airport.

It's not all bad though. Last night I also had a nice dream too. In my dream SG called me and told me to look out my bedroom window, and when I did there he was standing in the moonlight on the front lawn, with flowers in his hand. I ran out the door and into his arms. It was one of those amazing dreams that you wake up from and think, OH NO! Go back to sleep I want to stay there forever! One of those uber romantic moments that just never happens in real life. It was a nice thought though.

I still have major moments of frustration. Mainly because I just feel like any minute all this amazing wonderfulness is going to come crashing in on me. I feel like it's too perfect. I feel like I don't deserve this, and someone "upstairs" made a mistake, and when they figure it all out they are going to take it all away from me.

How can I feel like this about another person that I didn't pop out of me? Is this what it's like to be "in love" and all the other times I was just in infatuation or lust? Will this feeling last, or is it just some weird phase of the moon? Whatever it is, it's amazing. It's better than ice cream! It's tha cat's meow. It's the best thing since cheese.

In other news SG told me he is going to come see me this weekend. I get butterflies just thinking about that. I want to see him so badly, but what if I don't live up to all his "dreams and fantasies" about me? What if he gets here and thinks "Oh my gawd she gained weight!" Or worse... This is when that self assured, self confident woman turns into the scared little girl that has been hurt so very many times. I guess I will just have to cross my fingers and toes.