It's All My Fault

My timing sucks. Just sucks.

Here is this really great guy, that I could have had with no effort at all. Living within feet of my front door. Now here I sit, regretting so much that wasted chance. How could I have even known that he would be so fabulous? There HAS to be a reason that we are into each other 2 years later, and not then. I just wish I knew what it was. It would make what I am going through now so much easier.

Last night I went to the fair with one of my girlfriends, and went and saw Rascal Flatts in concert. They were great, but after a few drinks every time I heard a sappy song, I wanted to call SG, and tell him how fabulous I think he is. I would see couples walking all lovey dove all over the fair, and I was angry. I was angry that I wasn't one of those couples. I was angry that I had the chance years ago to HAVE that... and screwed it up.

I am so torn. I am happy and giggly and excited when he calls me. I love hearing his voice. I love talking to him, and I love that he loves talking to me. However, when ever we hang up I can't help but feel that frustration that I feel because of his situation.

I want to know where this is going. I want to know what his plans are. I want to know that I am not wasting my time, and starting to really care about someone, who has no intentions of becoming more than buddies that flirt on the phone. I want to know that when he goes to bed each night *I* am the one in his heart. How can I even ask this of him now?

When I already had my chance...