The Talk...

Yesterday started as any other day. I had my Starbucks, and went to work just like every other day. However, it wasn't just like every other day. It was different, and amazing, and by the end of the night I was so insanely happy I thought I was going to cry.

I E-Mailed S. and told her that things were going really great with SG and I over the phone but I was worried, and I had doubts that he had really broken up with his girlfriend. I told her I was worried That I was going to be running around picking out wedding dresses while he was still playing house with his ex. This is why I e-mail S. I know she will always bring me back down to earth when I go fluttering off to La La land chasing butterflies and picking daisies. She told me what I already knew. I needed to really make sure that he was making some kind of move forward. I needed him to get his situation handled before I ended up hurt. I knew I HAD to talk to him about all of this before I drove myself mad with it.

SG called several times during the day, but it never seemed like the right time. I was scared that he would feel pressured or maybe he didn't really feel like he wanted to sell his house and throw everything away that he has worked for, for ME. Even typing that it sounds crazy. How could I even ask him to think about something like that? I agonized all day, and finally while he was on his way home from work we had a little chat.

I told him that I had really come to care for him, and I knew that he cared about me, but we really had to figure out what we are doing. If he is really really sure that he wants to try to start something with me then he had to get out of the situation he is in. I know that selling his house right now would be a huge mistake as the market is really bad for sellers. I wouldn't ask him to take a hit on his credit like that. So I told him let's just take this one day at a time, and let's just start with a real date. I told him you come and visit me, and we will spend some time together and see how it goes. Then if after that we feel like this is really what we want, we will take it from there. He agreed, and was relieved. He was so worried that I was going to dump him if he didn't handle things in a certain time frame. I assured him I would do everything in my power to be there for him through this, and we would get through it together. It's not like I am going to sit around waiting for years or anything like that. I just feel like he deserves a reasonable amount of time to make some choices.

I'm just as frustrated as he is that we missed our first chance to be together. We both believe that there is a reason that we didn't get together then, and we have this chance now. There are so many things that had to happen and fall into place just for us to meet. We both feel like this is bigger than just us. Sure, I would love for him to be here with me now so we can just spend time together, and start thinking about OUR future. However, I know I have to wait. It's hard but I just pray every day that I will learn to be more patient, and remember that I am on God's time table not mine. I know that the reward will be worth it.

By the end of the night we were both outside looking up at the stars and picking one that we could both look at every night before bed and think of each other. When I realized that we had both been looking at the same star as he described the one he was looking at, I felt this tear stream down my cheek, and I knew. It's going to be hard. It's going to be frustrating. It's going to be a true trial of my strength. I have to take this chance. He could be my happy ending.