Frustration Is Setting In...

Someone told me yesterday that I write well. I don't think that I am a great writer, and I don't write for fame or fortune. I just write what's in my heart. Sometimes I feel like I am just going to burst with emotions, and writing it helps get it all out. I feel calmer, and more settled after I journal. Perhaps that's why I do it. Or perhaps I want something to read when I am 60 so I can have a good laugh at how crazy I am.

The frustration of the SG situation has started setting in for both of us. I knew it would, but I had no idea that it would hit this soon. Long distance is hard. It's even harder when you had what you wanted so close and couldn't have it.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't think I have ever felt like this about another human being. I feel like I couldn't stand it if we had to go a day without talking. I have an ache deep down in the pit of my stomach just to be held by him, to be kissed by him to be loved by him. It's become an obsession. I daydream all day about what our kids would look like (if we had kids). I imagine what it would be like to wake up in his arms every day. I imagine how he looks sleeping. I imagine how his hands will feel on my skin, and in my hair. I get weak in the knees thinking about his lips on mine. My desire to be his has consumed my every waking thought. It scares the hell out of me, that I let a man get into my world, and make me feel like this. I want so very much to tell him just leave and come be with me. I don't care about anything but being with him anymore.

However, I need to step back. I need to stop wishing on stars and planning our wedding. I need to focus. I am going to drive myself mad if I don't take a huge step away from SG. I can't do this to myself again. I am so afraid he will break my heart into a million little non-repairable pieces.

I need to run away...