...It's Not Just the Name of A Song.
It's what I want. I want an easy, fun, happy kind of love. I used to think the kind of man I would fall in love with had to have a "cool factor". Every guy I have ever dated long term has had that. There were DJ's, and guys in bands. There were uber geeky guild leaders, and guys with great accents. However there was always something missing. I was always looking for that kismet, that fire, that passion, that feeling you get Christmas morning when you are 7. I want someone who makes me feel loved, secure, and cared for. I want someone who I can't live without. I want to be with a man who makes me feel like I am the only woman on the planet he could ever love. I want someone who makes me want to be a better person. It seems like I want a lot, but isn't that what everyone wants? They should. Everyone should go after that amazing love that comes along once in a life time and when you find it you just can't imagine how you ever lived without it!
Last month, I had just spent another birthday alone, and each year it gets a little harder. I told a friend that I would settle for a man in my life that I didn't want to choke. I was feeling defeated. I was ready to settle. I was ready to take what I could get, even though I wanted so much more.
When SG wrote to me a few weeks ago in E-mail, I had no intention of starting something with him. He didn't have the "cool factor" he wasn't the type of guy I usually dated, and he lived so far away. So imagine my surprise when one day I woke up looking forward to his next phone call. I can still remember where I was when I realized I really liked this guy. I was standing in the parking lot of the apartment complex. It was a warm night and I had gone out to my car to get something, and he called. When I heard his voice say "Hello Beautiful" I got butterflies, and I caught my heart skip a beat. I knew right there, I was in trouble.
It's only been two weeks since that night, but I feel like that was a lifetime ago. I find myself smiling, and laughing more than I have in years. Everything tastes better, everything smells better, and even the flowers in my back yard look better. I have been a giddy ball of giggles for weeks now. I can't wait to hear his voice on the phone, each time he calls it just gets better and better. I am amazed daily by how perfect this all is. It's scary and wonderful and exciting all at the same time.
I find myself daydreaming about the simplest things like coming home from work and cooking dinner for SG, then laying in the living room floor and watching a movie together. I can see him hanging Christmas lights while I stand outside below him telling him to move them more to the left. It's crazy, I haven't seen him in almost three years, we haven't even had a real date and I am planning our Goldfish's names.
A few weeks ago I was ready to settle for "someone I can stand", and now I feel like I have met someone I can't stand to be without. I am settling... for perfect.
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